Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The Unfairness of this World
This weekend, the most cruel thing ever happened. I haven't been down to see my best friend in almost a year. I came down to go to a music festival that we were going to attend together along with her children. My friend looks after her father. He lives on his own since his wife, my friend's mother, died three years ago. He's older, and not in good health, and very lonely. He wasn't very excited that I was there because it meant he'd be alone for the weekend, but I'd like to think he was glad, on some level, that his daughter was going to relax a little and enjoy a weekend for the first time in a while. Not that she minded watching her father. He called her and his two grandchildren his three little nurses...He was a stable, good being in her life. He was a good man...I say was.
He called my friend while we were at the festival. When were we leaving, to bring him a coffee and have the girls say good-night to him? Soon, my friend assured him. Soon afterwards we headed for the car...The cell rang. We thought it was her ex...she didn't answer. She did check the message immediately, however. It was emergency rescue. There had been a fire at her father's house. It had started about the time we'd left the event. He had been rushed to the hospital in critical condition, so they said. When she called back they asked her to go to the house first...When we arrived, fresh from having a good time at the festival, enjoying ourselves for the first time in we couldn't remember how long, they told my friend her father had passed away. They came and told me as I stood there with her two girls. We'd been at the house earlier that day, early afternoon. The girls ran in with lunch and dinner for him, Pepsi, some other assorted groceries...They did some recycling. They'd all said their "I love you"s. My friend stayed in the car with me. That was only how many hours ago? Now he was gone...his cats were gone...the house was gone...All like that. He was older, he was ill...why couldn't he have passed away quietly in his sleep? Why did this have to happen? Why a fire???
Well, my friend had to answer question after question for the police, for the firechief, for emergency rescue. I stayed with the girls to comfort them. How were they all holding together as well as they were??? Strong, strong little ones, those girls...ten and twelve and more together than 99% of us adults. My friend...she's strong...she learned it from her father and mother, she taught it to her wonderful children. They wanted my friend at the hospital to answer some questions...I drove us over because she was in no condition to drive. We picked up her husband...I could smell the alcohol on his breath...He's an alcoholic and drug addict who hasn't lived at home in a year and a half. I couldn't tell if he was high. I couldn't tell if anyone else noticed he'd been drinking. My friend's father never liked him. They wouldn't let her see him. The fire was under investigation. He'd most likely died of smoke inhalation...he was only burned slightly. She needed to see him and they wouldn't let her. I drove her husband home, I drove us to a hotel.
In the morning, they went to their house to get some clothes just to be in familiar surroundings. My friend let her husband borrow the car. He didn't bring it back until way after he said he was going to. She came and picked me up...She'd had a huge fight with her husband. She told him that she couldn't believe he'd do something like that after what she'd seen in the past 12 hours. We went to the mall. The kids were sad, they were upset, but they were calm...they were dealing. My friend, the same thing. I was so sad for them that I was the one crying...yeah, they needed ME to be crying over their loss...They ended up comforting ME at one point. Again, their strength amazed me. We went back to the hotel...I went in, they went home again...My friend went to her father's house. One of the cats had made it out and was at Animal Control along with the bodies of the others...She couldn't see any of them either. She didn't even know which cat it was that lived.
I e-mailed my husband. He e-mailed right back sending his love, support and condolences. Why doesn't my friend have a husband like mine - someone supportive? I watched a movie on Movies on Demand...The Devil Wears Prada...it wasn't that great...or maybe it was all catching up to me by then. My friend showed up some time later. We decided to go see a movie...Pirates, the second one...She and the ten year old fell asleep during it. I didn't wake them. The older one and I watched and she laughed. It was good to see her laugh...We'd been laughing all day on Saturday before the fire...They're strong and they're funny - that whole family.
We all stayed in the hotel again. We laughed a little, we cried a little, we drove up to drop me off at the ferry together. We had a tearful goodbye. Her brother was going to fly in that night.
How is any of that fair??? She's been through too much already. To have her Dad pass away would be tough enough...but in a fire??? A fire that destroyed all their memories??? A fire that took the lives of all the pets save one??? Not right...not fair...why her????
The girls started school today. They will go in there and act like nothing in the world is bothering them because they're strong and they can...They will come home, learn the latest from the Mom, my friend and they will cry some more...She says she's glad I was there with her through this. I say I wish I was stronger and could do more for her. She says I have been there and that's all she's needed. It's not fair...
He called my friend while we were at the festival. When were we leaving, to bring him a coffee and have the girls say good-night to him? Soon, my friend assured him. Soon afterwards we headed for the car...The cell rang. We thought it was her ex...she didn't answer. She did check the message immediately, however. It was emergency rescue. There had been a fire at her father's house. It had started about the time we'd left the event. He had been rushed to the hospital in critical condition, so they said. When she called back they asked her to go to the house first...When we arrived, fresh from having a good time at the festival, enjoying ourselves for the first time in we couldn't remember how long, they told my friend her father had passed away. They came and told me as I stood there with her two girls. We'd been at the house earlier that day, early afternoon. The girls ran in with lunch and dinner for him, Pepsi, some other assorted groceries...They did some recycling. They'd all said their "I love you"s. My friend stayed in the car with me. That was only how many hours ago? Now he was gone...his cats were gone...the house was gone...All like that. He was older, he was ill...why couldn't he have passed away quietly in his sleep? Why did this have to happen? Why a fire???
Well, my friend had to answer question after question for the police, for the firechief, for emergency rescue. I stayed with the girls to comfort them. How were they all holding together as well as they were??? Strong, strong little ones, those girls...ten and twelve and more together than 99% of us adults. My friend...she's strong...she learned it from her father and mother, she taught it to her wonderful children. They wanted my friend at the hospital to answer some questions...I drove us over because she was in no condition to drive. We picked up her husband...I could smell the alcohol on his breath...He's an alcoholic and drug addict who hasn't lived at home in a year and a half. I couldn't tell if he was high. I couldn't tell if anyone else noticed he'd been drinking. My friend's father never liked him. They wouldn't let her see him. The fire was under investigation. He'd most likely died of smoke inhalation...he was only burned slightly. She needed to see him and they wouldn't let her. I drove her husband home, I drove us to a hotel.
In the morning, they went to their house to get some clothes just to be in familiar surroundings. My friend let her husband borrow the car. He didn't bring it back until way after he said he was going to. She came and picked me up...She'd had a huge fight with her husband. She told him that she couldn't believe he'd do something like that after what she'd seen in the past 12 hours. We went to the mall. The kids were sad, they were upset, but they were calm...they were dealing. My friend, the same thing. I was so sad for them that I was the one crying...yeah, they needed ME to be crying over their loss...They ended up comforting ME at one point. Again, their strength amazed me. We went back to the hotel...I went in, they went home again...My friend went to her father's house. One of the cats had made it out and was at Animal Control along with the bodies of the others...She couldn't see any of them either. She didn't even know which cat it was that lived.
I e-mailed my husband. He e-mailed right back sending his love, support and condolences. Why doesn't my friend have a husband like mine - someone supportive? I watched a movie on Movies on Demand...The Devil Wears Prada...it wasn't that great...or maybe it was all catching up to me by then. My friend showed up some time later. We decided to go see a movie...Pirates, the second one...She and the ten year old fell asleep during it. I didn't wake them. The older one and I watched and she laughed. It was good to see her laugh...We'd been laughing all day on Saturday before the fire...They're strong and they're funny - that whole family.
We all stayed in the hotel again. We laughed a little, we cried a little, we drove up to drop me off at the ferry together. We had a tearful goodbye. Her brother was going to fly in that night.
How is any of that fair??? She's been through too much already. To have her Dad pass away would be tough enough...but in a fire??? A fire that destroyed all their memories??? A fire that took the lives of all the pets save one??? Not right...not fair...why her????
The girls started school today. They will go in there and act like nothing in the world is bothering them because they're strong and they can...They will come home, learn the latest from the Mom, my friend and they will cry some more...She says she's glad I was there with her through this. I say I wish I was stronger and could do more for her. She says I have been there and that's all she's needed. It's not fair...
